Love to laugh? You’ll love these funny Christian quotes!
We know Jesus wept, but we also know our God is a God of laughter.
After all, he made us silly humans!
As God brought Sarah laughter, may all who read this laugh with me.
Clean quips – safe for work, friends, family, and followers.
Let’s get to the grins!
Funny Quotes About Jesus
Let’s start with silly saying about Jesus!
And many that are not so silly. But all are funny quotes about Jesus.
A few are clever wordplay. And a couple are corny…
Honk if you love Jesus; text if you want to meet Him.
~ Alethea Black
I may not be perfect, but Jesus thinks I’m to die for.
~ Unknown
Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we’ve gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.
~ Garrison Keillor
Jesus said, “I’ll be back” way before Arnold did.
~ Unknown
And some people say Jesus wasn’t Jewish. Of course he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father’s business, his mom thought he was God’s gift, he’s Jewish!
~ Robin Williams
If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
~ Billy Connolly
Without Jesus, it’s Hell.
~ Unknown
Jesus loves you. And your tattoos!
~ Church sign
Need a lifeguard? Jesus walks on water.
~ Unknown
If Jesus could satisfy a hungry crowd, just imagine what He can do for your hungry soul.
~ Joyce Meyer
Ketchup with Jesus and relish his love!
~ Unknown
Ever wonder what people got Jesus for Christmas? It’s like, “Oh great, socks. You know I’m dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They’ll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?”
~ Jim Gaffigan
I want to be so full of Christ that if a mosquito bites me, he flies away singing, “There’s power in the blood.”
~ Unknown
If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber’s calf, he would’ve never started Christianity.
~ Natasha Leggero
Today’s forecast: The Son shines and the Lord reigns!
~ Unknown
Hipster Jesus loved you before you were cool.
~ Church sign
My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
~ Adam Ferrara
Don’t be cool. The world has enough cool, but it doesn’t have enough Jesus.
~ Joe Driver
The number of followers you have doesn’t make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12.
~ Unknown
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said “Happy Birthday” on it. I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote “Jesus” on it.
~ Dimitri Martin
Try Jesus. If you don’t like him, the devil will take you back.
~ Church sign
I generally grow this beard out around Christmas. Then, I like to go to malls dressed as Jesus, and what I do is generally walk through the mall, just saying, “No, no, this wasn’t what it was supposed to be about, people.” But if there’s a Santa at the mall, I’ll walk right up to him and I’ll go, “Listen, fat man, you’re just a clown at my birthday party.”
~ Mark Maron
Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful.
~ Christian Finnegan
You might also enjoy these cross cover photos.
Funny Christian Quotes About God
We can giggle at God the Father too. I’m sure he laughs at us all the time!
When we keep God in first place, everything else falls into place.
~ Joyce Meyer
Funny humans; they think God is dead and Elvis is alive!
~ Unknown
God recycles. He made you from dust.
~ Unknown (based on Genesis 2:7)
If God is your copilot, switch seats.
~ BJ Gallagher
God wants full custody, not just weekend visits.
~ Church sign
I’m going to let God fix it. If I fix it, I’m going to jail!
~ Unknown
God is interested in spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
~ Vladimir Savchuk
God loves us because He wants to. Nothing you can do about it.
~ Joyce Meyer
God will wreck your plans, when He sees your plans are about to wreck you.
~ Unknown
The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.
~ Mark Twain
God loves us the way we are, but too much to leave us that way.
~ Leighton Ford
Wrinkled with problems? Go to God for a faith lift.
~ Tonya L. Matthews
Without God, we can’t. Without us, God won’t.
~ Charles Spurgeon
We have not lost faith. but we have transferred it from God to the medical profession.
~ George Bernard Shaw
Don’t spend your time chasing blessings. Chase God, and the blessings will chase you!
~ Joyce Meyer
All Christians have the Holy Spirit, but the Holy Spirit doesn’t have all Christians.
~ Vladimir Savchuk
God teaches us about love by giving us difficult people to deal with.
~ Unknown
Sometimes God will put a Goliath in your life, so you can find the David within you.
~ Toby McKeehan
What we may see as a dead end, God sees as a new beginning.
~ Joyce Meyer
If there were no God, there would be no atheists.
~ G. K. Chesterton
I did my best; God does the rest.
~ Hattie McDaniel
Smile on with 200 smile quotes.
Funny Quotes About Church
Going to church? Check your perfection at the door. But not your sense of humor!
Acting perfect in church is like dressing up for an X-ray.
~ Father Joe Podcast
This church is prayer-conditioned.
~ Church sign
Two hundred people changed their religion the first time I sang in the church choir.
~ Fred Allen
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
~ Billy Sunday
Church Welcome Sign: ATM inside. Acceptance, truth, mercy. No card needed.
~ Unknown
Baseball is like church. Many attend, but few understand.
~ Leo Durocher
People are funny. They want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
~ Mrs. Miracle
Go to church this Sunday – avoid the Christmas rush.
~ Unknown
Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
~ Fred Allen
I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.
~ Robin Williams
If you use the church’s WiFi, are you receiving God’s signal?
~ Unknown
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They’re afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
~ Fred Allen
Sailors ought never to go to the house of God. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
~ H.G. Wells
Many come to bring their clothes to church rather than themselves.
~ Thomas Fuller
Our church is like fudge: sweet with a few nuts.
~ Unknown
The day we find the perfect church, it becomes imperfect the moment we join it.
~ Charles Spurgeon
A church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints.
~ Pauline Phillips
Churches become poor if they become rich and care not for the poor.
~ Lester Roloff
Give all you can; no one ever saw a hearse pulling a U-Haul!
~ Unknown
Not all fun and games? Try these struggle quotes.
Funny Quotes About Prayer
How’s your prayer life? I pray that these humorous quotes make you think more about it!
When you have a problem, do you run to the phone or to the throne?
~ Joyce Meyer
You talk to God, you’re religious. God talks to you, you’re psychotic.
~ Doris Egan
Seven days without prayer make one weak.
~ Unknown
Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?
~ Corrie Ten Boom
When I pray, coincidences happen; when I don’t, they don’t.
~ William Temple
Practice thanking God for more than elastic waistbands.
~ Unknown
Some things have to be believed to be seen.
~ Ralph Hodgson
Get connected – upload a prayer.
~ Unknown
Courage is fear that has said its prayers and decided to go forward anyway.
~ Joyce Meyer
Most people do not pray; they only beg.
~ George Bernard Shaw
Prayer gives a man the opportunity of getting to know a gentleman he hardly ever meets. I do not mean his maker, but himself.
~ William Ings
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
~ Unknown
God has editing rights over our prayers. He will edit them, correct them, bring them in line with His will and then hand them back to us to be resubmitted.
~ Stephen Crotts
The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank.
~ Dante Rossetti
Pray anywhere because God is everywhere.
~ Unknown
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
~ Emo Philips
Lord, help me to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
~ The Bellamy Brothers
Do you say, Good morning God, or, Good God it’s morning?
Here are 200 ways to say good morning on social media.
Funny Quotes About the Bible
The Bible is not only the most popular book in the world, but also the most amazing!
These clever and creative folks can give us yet another perspective.
Adam and Eve: The first people not to read the Apple terms and conditions.
~ Unknown
Spend your time with God’s Book, not Facebook.
~ Unknown
The Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking 40 days to find a place to park.
~ Curtis McDougall
Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the serpent, and the serpent didn’t have a leg to stand on.
~ Charles R. Gerber
The Bible is rated E for everyone.
~ Unknown
Read the Bible. It will scare the Hell out of you!
~ W. Dale Murphy
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.
~ G. K. Chesterton
I recently checked my weight. This armor of God is heavy!
~ Unknown (based on Ephesians 6)
The Bible is the cradle wherein Christ is laid.
~ Martin Luther
When the world beats you down, open up your Bible.
~ Lysa TerKeurst
Store your Bible in your heart, not on a shelf.
~ Unknown
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me… they’re cramming for their final exam.
~ George Carlin
A Bible that’s falling apart usually belongs to someone who isn’t.
~ Charles Spurgeon
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means.
~ George Bernard Shaw
I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.
~ Ronald Reagan
Check out these Reagan freedom quotes.
Funny Christian Quotes About Life & Death
Life is challenging. Laugh a bit with these funny quotes about temptation – and even our personal “end times!”
Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
~ Mary and David Compton
The fact that there is a highway to hell and only a stairway to Heaven says a lot about expected traffic.
~ Darynda Jones
Sin is a short word with a long sentence.
~ Church sign
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
~ Robert Orben
Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
~ Unknown
Everyone wants to be an overcomer but nobody wants to have anything to overcome.
~ Joyce Meyer
A real Christian is a person who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip.
~ Billy Graham
Don’t give up! Moses was once a basket case!
~ Larry Wilde
Some people are like buttons, always popping off when they don’t need to.
~ Unknown
Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.
~ Karen Kaiser Clark
Always remember that Hell is uncool.
~ Unknown
Cremation is your last chance for a smoking hot body.
~ Carb Dashian
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
~ Mark Twain
Just because you’ve had a bad start doesn’t mean you can’t have a good finish.
~ Joyce Meyer
Everything will be alright in the end… If it’s not alright, then it is not the end.
~ The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
Social media mavens will enjoy these funny Facebook quotes.
Joy in the Lord
If you have joy in Jesus, don’t forget to tell your face 🙂
Smile and laugh often!
Pin this post for later so that…
He will once again fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy. (Job 8:21)
Find quotes for every season and reason.
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